What is the boundary between the deepest points inside you and the greatest defeat outside you?? A confusing question, mysterious, suspicious, especially after you are alone now . now you are alone... that's how they told you. . or that's how you woke up one day from your sleep and looked around you and didn't find him... I looked for him everywhere... but without Useless... you didn't find him... you show that you won't find him, I rushed to them screaming and running... Where is he? where? And you are in such a match, and you see me. Was he here beside me.. here. .
I was talking to him. . I feel his presence. . I know and be certain that he sees me. without seeing him!!! He feels me if I grieve and comes close to me if I cry... He extends a helping hand to me if I am sick. . And helps me when needed and in need. . He is my guardian... Where did he go? where? Did you make him angry? Did I make a mistake in his right and if he punished me by disappearing and leaving him to me alone in the open in the barren desert of life! ? Do you see me having committed a great sin and deserved his anger and wrath. and his abandonment of me?!! It is that labyrinth in which we are all stuck, and you, dear reader, may be one of those stuck in that labyrinth...When you touched the ceiling of space, you will fall underground, in its depths. .because you did not find a support on which to base.. or rested on it...Yes. Your bond no longer exists... and your dreams and hopes that you placed on it have evaporated and turned to pieces from the corpses of your wishes and dreams scattered in existence! ...your father no longer exists and he disappeared forever from existence...and now you have become an orphan. .do you feel orphaned, lonely, divided from within, lonely that preys on you and feeds on the atoms of your nerves, anxiety and panic?
He did not leave even a message telling you about the reason for his departure from you. . or his anger at you. . or his anger at you. . that is how he left suddenly and without introductions. then you suddenly discovered his absence!... I know for sure what you feel now. (betrayal). But before you start to wonder, and your astonishment increases, and your pain kills you, your confusion. And that things were not going as you always think and calculate... if he was not responsible for you, and for a day... he didn't know about you or feel your presence, not a moment before!!!!!! ...he wasn't your father when you thought he was...!!! I see tears falling from your eyes and you cry out of burning for his loss and longing for his existence... Or say to an existence that doesn't exist at all. . What a disappointed, deceived And tell you that your father was never there as you thought..!!! And that things were not going as you always think and calculate... if he was not responsible for you, and for a day... he didn't know about you or feel your presence, not a moment before!!!!!! ...he wasn't your father when you thought he was...!!! I see tears falling from your eyes as you cry out of burning for his loss and longing for his existence ... Or say to an existence that does not exist at all. Shattered by the dread of shock... I hear the knocking of your cries moaning in my ears and my tears flowing as you cry out crying for his lost existence... and the lament of the worshiper over the loss of the idol... I pray to him that he might feel or hear the rustle of your breathless, pleading breath, that crawled quietly alive and speckled over the pieces Your scattered, scattered self. .I see you wondering eagerly, hungry and deprived, and in a defeated tone of voice, and you say desperately miserable: He used to embrace me one day!
Did I miss his warm embrace. His embrace was the breeze that I inhaled in the sandy heat of the arid desert of life... It was the tender touch of warmth that wrapped me in its cloak To protect me in the night of a cold, snowy, stormy winter... And now that you are drowning in the sea of your hot tears... You sneak into my ears with the lightness of a thief's pleas as you wonder and bewilderment fills you from head to toe saying: Should he leave me alone like this without a helper... without a mastermind of my affairs. So who will protect me? Who?? Who??? You keep wondering and wondering in a stormy labyrinth and at a point between victory and defeat. .love and hate. .loss and finding,,, anger and calm..,, revolution and submission,, rebellion and subservience. .and I see the slap of the truth that I slapped you with it, you rose against the face of your tormented soul, as you argued with me between a believer and a liar, in a struggle within a battlefield on the land of your mind, and in a fierce and fierce battle. And you echo in your sacrificial voice that reeling drunk in pain, and you wonder: How and when? And in a fierce and fierce battle. As you repeat in your sacrificial voice, drunkenly reeling in pain, and you ask: How? and when? and where?? He exists.
He did not leave me and will not leave me. He is indeed present. . And if the winds of your stormy voice roll over everything in front of him, then your wishes and dreams go before your eyes with the wind like a feather blown by the winds of illusions, and you say: No. . Rather, it seems to me that he does not exist.. He did not exist. He has a day of existence. .I alone was deceived. .I am the delusional who suffers from my painful affliction. I screamed, but he did not answer. .I called him, but he did not answer.. I searched everywhere, but there was no answer. It is not easy for you, as they think. It is not easy for you to know and be certain with all the evidence and proofs that you are alone without a reference to which you can rest and rely on.. It is not It's easy for you to be sure that you will face since this The moment is life on your own and that you have become lonely with no reference to you and depend on him... It is not easy for you to be sure that you will face since this moment you knew that your father does not exist, and that you have to face your fate alone and you are dealing with your problems alone without relying on him to take revenge to you from anyone, or he submits to your crying in front of him, or to your supplication between His hands. . the matter was settled and the hidden was revealed.. and what was hidden appeared from the truth. . Now you will go to your secret place at night crying, but without anyone hearing your soliloquy or your crying. From now on you will start your day alone and live its details alone. you have to rely on Yourself from now on you have to mature...Facing it may be difficult at first, but with time you will get used to it. .In fact, you will love it and hate your weakness, your submissiveness, your submission to a superstitious, chaotic, irrational, sadistic narcissistic existence. obedient to his consent. while the whole truth is that you were deceived or were so... so don't care much about what they will say about you. you now see the haters' gloating looks at you.. You have to gloat over you... and those who have always hated you.. Now it seems to them that it is their chance to heal you while you are alone wrestling with life alone, but before you collapse in front of the torrent of their anger and the drops of their hatred that drips poison aiming its arrows towards your body.. let me suggest you that You ask them a question. .it may shock or confuse them. .and though I know that the patchwork is more than carefree on the heart and more abundant than the melted salt in the oceans. .but nevertheless your question will remain a lump in their hearts and a thorn in their throats. .when they say to you, my dear, with sarcasm and scorn and with confidence. Foolishness, arrogance and blind arrogance that you are the one who left your guardian... the guardian of your grace and the one who takes care of you Just because you searched for him and did not find him. .then you claimed that he does not exist and he did not respond to you or your call. As if you wanted that and hoped for it perhaps without realizing or feeling..Tell them, my dear, that you have indeed searched for him everywhere with all seriousness and with all sincerity and dedication.. Answer them And tears are dripping from your eyes, that you wished that you were wrong in your certainty or your belief, as they claimed. . You wished from the bottom of your heart to find him smiling in front of you with lofty and pride mixed with tenderness and kindness. . His pardon and forgiveness. but unfortunately he let you down He did not and will never come... and that when you were listening to the groans of homeless, hungry, tormented children without any sin they had committed, you searched for him there, for his heart might please them, to salute them, for their pain, and why not, he is always merciful. . but unfortunately you did not find him there. At first I was shocked. .! I was dumbfounded. why?! Because you had always trusted in him in his greatness, in his justice and in his mercy. .but suddenly you did not find him among these sick. hungry children, so you said to yourself, I will not despair. I will continue to search. you have always found justifications and excuses for him, and you are looking for patches to face the storm of denial. .. Your denial of Himself and His existence ... So I went to where these poor, starving, afflicted with pain. . You may find it among them, but also this time I was disappointed! Surprise killed you!!!, I slaughtered you from vein to vein with its cruelty. .and I made you taste bitter with its bitterness, so you ran without thinking, and before you took a decision that would change your life line, the path and destiny,, and stood at the door of this or that prisoner. A crime committed by others. .only because he is weak, poor, poor, or does not have any evidence of his innocence..!!! Why didn't he find someone to do it?!!
Rather, say why is the ruling in his favour postponed indefinitely?! Is there a just judge who decides cases with integrity and conscience? Where is the justice and mercy in that?!.. and when she cried asking for an answer.. she did not find an answer or an answer..!!! You also did not find it there!!!,,, and when I realized that it does not exist and it did not exist!!!!!!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa To this degree a person can be deceived!!! A to this degree a person can misunderstand!!!! A. To this degree, a human being can steal all his life in front of him while he is unconcerned, unaware. he stands like a cold statue watching his stolen years of life while he is satisfied, indifferent!!! Now tell me. . after all this and that. how will the shamans respond to your question??! Do they have an answer? Or are they truly haters and persistent in lying...But I hear your voice now from inside you now and you say to yourself: His door when you knocked on it did not open because it was simply not yours or anyone else's one day! and that he is gone from your life forever because he simply did not It wasn't a book, it was just a fake page in the book of life, and I folded forever.. and I also add my voice to yours and tell you: Remember that some stories have ended because your true story did not It begins after ... Some opportunities are lost, but who finds great, Some pains are long, because the time of your next happiness must be purified by pain and pass through a dark tunnel covered with the bitterness of cactus and bitterness passed ... Do not worry about this betrayal, it will end and pass through the time of oblivion ... And as Mark Twain said: The more I know people, the more I love my dog... And as the master (Osho) said: The majority are made up of idiots.. Be careful of the majority and the majority, the truth comes to individuals and not to crowds.
Written by: Manal Khalil
#AbsoluteSolitude
#FacingTheVoid#ThePathToMaturity
#SelfReliance
#AloneInTheDesert
#TheInnerBattle
#InnerStrength
#TheGreatDeception
#TheAbsentGuardian#Disillusionment
#ShatteredIdols
#ExistentialShock
#TheOrphanedSoul
#BrokenBond
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